A Husband & Wife Praying: William Gouge

Source: http://www.digitalpuritan.net

A Prayer for Husbands to use:

It hath pleased thy divine wisdom (invisible and incomprehensible Lord God) to set a special stamp of thine Image on sundry persons over others, in particular on husbands over wives, that thereby they might be more able to do them good. Wherefore, I thy servant, through most unworthy of any dignity or dominion, by reason of that slavery whereinto by sin I have brought myself, yet being by thine appointment thine Image and glory to my wife, in all humility I beseech thee, to pardon all the sins whereof in any kind I stand guilty before thee, and in particular those whereby I have any way dishonored that Image of thine which though has set on me : and withal to give me grace whereby I may be enabled to carry my self worthy of thine Image, and that by a conscionable performance of those duties to my wife, which in thy Word are enjoined to me. The sum of them all being Love, let love towards my wife so abound in me, as my looks, speech, [demeanor], and actions, whether in commanding, reproving, instructing, or admonishing, whether in using authority or familiarity, whether we be alone together or in company, in civil affairs or religious matters, at all times, in all things may be seasoned therewith. Suffer not that odious vice of hatred of my wife to seize on my soul : neither let there be any want of love in me to her. 

And that I may be the more wisely use this sovereign grace of Love, give me wisdom to maintain that authority which thou has given me, and that especially by being an example in all goodness : and keep me from losing the same by any base [demeanor], harsh dealing, or too servile yielding in unlawful things. That I may the better manage the authority which thou has given me, let my judgment, I pray thee, be well informed in that communion and fellowship with is betwixt man and wife, lest I should too much [affront] her, and let my heart be so set on upon my own wife, as the best and fittest part for me : and thereupon delight in her entirely : lest by any disrespect [to] my wife or want of affection to her, my heart should be drawn away from her, or hers from me. As a testimony of my entire affection to my wife, bend my mind with all kindness to accept every good duty that she performeth to me ; nor carelessly slighting, nor scornfully rejection any. Let me rather be ready to answer courtesy with courtesy, and to grant her humble desires, without making much ado thereat, and to accept what she is willing to do; yea, to suffer her to to order house and household affairs, according to that wisdom and discretion, which it hath pleased thee to bestow upon her : not over-strictly pressing my authority on her whom thou has made so willing subject herself to me. 

In the good things which she doth, give me a heart to encourage her, lest otherwise she would be moved to repent thereof. For her further encouragement, give me such a spirit as may make me sweeten all the duties I perform to her with mildness, that I be no way bitter to her : but that by the titles wherewith I call her, by the instructions wherewith I seek to edify her, by the just and urgent commandments which at any time I lay upon her, by yielding to her tender conscience, by forbearing to force her in any thing unbeseeming her place, by shewing her the reason of that which I require of her; yea, by using my commanding power, nor too frequently, nor too peremptorily, I may manifest much mildness and love. And seeing that charge with thou, O Lord, has given me over my wife, requireth that, as there is just occasion, I should reprove her, make me wise in doing it, that I neither altogether neglect it, nor rashly use it : but be sure that the matter for which I reprove her be a truth, and known truth, and a weighty truth : nor slight report, nor mere surmise, nor light matter. O keep me from being too forward, or too fierce, or too open in reproof. Let my very countenance toward my wife shew forth amiableness : and my gesture be so familiar as may not imply any strangeness towards her : yea, and my actions be actions of kindness, more ready to give her favors as pledges of love, than blows, the effects of wrath. Give me a mind rather to bear with my wife’s infirmities, than, by testiness or peevishness, to manifest my own weakness. 

And in regard of the place wherein thou has set me over my wife, work in me a provident care for her, even in the edification of soul, and succor of her body, both in health and sickness, particularly in the time of her child-bearing, every way so far as may be answerable to place and estate, without show of niggardliness. In this respect open my heart and hands to afford my wife such allowance as she may have (besides things needful for herself) to give, as occasion is offered to others, whether children, or servants in the house, or poor saints out of the house : that I show not myself too [severe] to her. And because my life in uncertain, so as I may be taken out of this world before, make me wise to provide for her, according to my means, so long as she shall live and for this end to take heed that in my lifetime I consume not my estate, nor [take] away anything which ought to remain to her after my decease : but by expressed will and testament to make known what is meet for her to enjoy. And while I am with her, make me careful as to provide for her, so to protect against such as may seduce in her soul, hurt her in her body, or impair her [reputation], whether they be children, servants, or any other. 

It has pleased thee, O blessed Savior, to make thyself a pattern to husbands in loving their wives. O fix my eyes on this pattern, that as thou loveth thy Church, I may show my forwardness in loving my wife first : and that in truth, without dissimulation : freely, without [compulsion] : purely, without wantonness : entirely in the highest degree that lawfully may be : constantly, without variableness or revolt : yea also tenderly and cheerfully, as a head loveth the body, or as man loveth himself. If thou, O Jesus Christ, who art infinitely greater than thy Spouse, the Church, and canst expect to reap no advantage or benefit from her, vouchsafest to love her, and to perform all the effects of love for her good; should I think much to love my wife, who is in many respects as I myself am, and a great help, comfort, and benefit to me? Or should I think much to perform any duty of love to her? Instinct of Nature teacheth all men to love their bodies : but thou hast made my wife to me as my body; we two by thy divine institution, are one flesh. Shall not then this thine ordinance be of more force with me, to move me to love my wife? O Lord GOD, let it be of force, that so I may honor thine Image planted in me, through Jesus Christ the Head of that true Catholic Church, whereof I believe myself to be a true member.

AMEN.

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A Prayer for Wives To Use:

Thine (O Lord of Heaven and Earth) is power and wisdom : thou has a supreme and absolute sovereignty over all the children of Men : thy servants they are, and in the place where thou settest them, they ought contentedly and obediently to abide. In thy wisdom thou hast has appointed a wife to be under her husband, and hast in thy word given him dominion over her. Her subjection is the [clearer], by reason of her great sin in tempting her husband to disobey thee. Now (O God of mercy) I beseech thee to acquit me of the guilt of that sin in particular, and to pardon all other my sins, and to bring my will in subjection every way to thy holy and blessed will. For this end so work upon my desire, as it may be subject to my husband. Inform therefore my judgment of the equity of that order which thou hast set betwixt man and wife : that the common mutual power which is in many things betwixt them, and which both of them have over the same children and servants, may not make me infer equality betwixt them : but that I, knowing a husband to be his wife’s head, may so account my husband to be unto me, whatsoever he [was] before marriage : and answerably bear an inward, awful respect towards him, not suffering any occasion to make me despise him : but outwardly also reverence him : manifesting this my reverence both by my behavior in all [wifely] sobriety without wantonness, mildness without shrewishness, courtesy without scorn, and modesty without pride, and also by my reverend speech to him before his face, and of him behind his back. 

And if this reverence may not seem [sincere], make me willing to yield all due obedience to him without any [insolence] against him. And seeing it hath pleased thee to give me a husband of sufficient understanding, give me, I beseech thee, a heart willing to be ordered by him, and to expect his consent in the things I do, not presuming to do anything that belongeth to his authority simply without, or directly against his consent, whether it be in disposing the common goods of the family, yea, unto charitable uses (except in case of necessity), or in ordering children and servants, or entertaining strangers, or journeying abroad, or binding myself by any voluntary vow. And that I may give further evidence of my willing subjection to my husband, whom thou, O Lord, has set over me, work in me a readiness to dwell where he will have me dwell, to come when he calleth, and to do what he requireth. And in case he reprove me, work in me meekness and patience…to bear every reproof [well], and wisdom to redress what is justly reproved : and withal make me so content with my husband’s estate, as I may no way grieve his spirit by upbraiding him with my marriage, or by my [demeanor], or by [reluctance] to stoop to his estate, or to help to repair the [decay] thereof. 

And for the manner of subjection to my husband, let it be such as the Church’s subjection is to thee O Lord Christ, in all humility without pride : in all sincerity, without dissimulation : in all cheerfulness, without sullenness : and constantly without intermitting or relinquishing my good course. And for the extent of my subjection, Lord, let it be in all things. In which respect give me grace, I pray three, so to subject my own judgment, as in matters questionable I endeavor to bring my judgment and will to the bent of my husband’s : and in indifferent things to yield to him, and not be too peremptory in my own will. But yet in all my subjection to him, let my eye be so fixed on thee, O Lord, whose person he beareth, as I prefer thee, my heavenly Lord, before him : and there neither forbear to do what thou expressly hath commandeth, nor do what thou forbiddeth, though my husband would have the one forborne, or the other done. 

All the forenamed, and other like bound duties, give me grace, O Thou Fountain of All Grace, the rather to perform, [First], because my husband, by virtue of his place, is in thy [stead], so as by subjecting myself to him, I am made subject to thee : but by refusing to be subject to him, I refuse to be subject to thee. Secondly, because thou hast made my husband as a head to me, by virtue whereof my own body which is subject to my head, would be a witness against me, if I should not be subject to him. Thirdly, because in this place and office my husband has a kind of fellowship with thee O Christ : so as thereby I shall maintain even thine honor also. Fourthly, because thou hast made my Husband as a Savior to me, so as by refusing to be subject, I shall show myself ungrateful to him, and injurious to myself. Finally, because I am as well-bound to be subject to my husband, as thy Church is to thee, O Christ : and hereby I shall gain assurance to myself, and give evidence to others, I am a true member of the true Church. 

Therefore so bow my will to thy Word, O Lord, as these and other like reasons which are grounded on thy Word, may effectually persuade me to observe such duties to my husband as in thy Word are taught me, and that for the honor of thee, and of thy Son Jesus Christ my heavenly Head and Husband. 

AMEN.

A Prayer For A Husband And Wife By William Gouge

Presented here is a slight modernization of a prayer from Gouge’s “Domesticall Duties”, intended for use as a model by husbands and wives together. Enjoy! #OriginalPurityCulture — Cristián Rogers

Source: http://www.digitalpuritan.net/Digital%20Puritan%20Resources/Gouge%2C%20William/%5BWG%5D%20Patterns%20of%20Prayers%20for%20the%20Several%20Members%20of%20a%20Family.pdf

A Prayer for Husbands and Wives, in regard of their mutual and joint duties whereunto they are both bound.

O MOST mighty and merciful Lord God, who by thy wise, ordering Providence has made us two one flesh, and joined us together by the nearest and firmest bond of all, which is Marriage, so knit our hearts together, we humbly beseech thee, as matrimonial unity may ever be kept inviolable betwixt us : and a thought of desertion never enter into either of souls. Let thy fear so possess our hearts, as we keep our bodies the temples of the Holy Ghost, in all purity and chastity : and be so watchful over the powers of our soul, and parts of our bodies, over company, over our diet and apparel, and over everything we take in hand, as we be no way drawn to commit the filthy and capital sin of Adultery : but rather yielding due benevolence one to another, we may mutually delight one in another.

For this end, as our persons are knit together by the indissoluble bond of Marriage, so link our hearts together by the inviolable bond of mutual matrimonial love : even such love as may make us keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace : that there be no jealousies, offenses, and no contentions betwixt us. Make us also, we pray three, mutually provident one to another : wherein that we may do one another the more good, make us ever willing to dwell together : and when there is just cause of absence for a time, let us take all occasions to testifying our present mindfulness of one another, and longing desire one after another. And, good Father, so [grant] us the spirit of supplication, as we always without ceasing may call upon thee the fountain of all blessing, and in our prayers be mutually mindful one of one another : and take all occasion of praying jointly together.

And now being here both together before thee, we earnestly beseech thee to make us, whom thou hast made one flesh, to be one spirit, joint members of the mystical body of Christ : so to sanctify our fellowship, that we may truly rejoice one in another, and bless thee from our hearts one for another : let our bed ever remain a bed undefiled : bless us with children, and bless us in them : bless us with a competent estate, and with all needful gifts and graces : keep us from wishing any hurt one to another, and from imprecating any ill one to another. Give us we beseech thee, not only a mind to wish well one another, but also willingness and ability to do good one for another, and that in our souls, bodies, estate, and good name. In our souls, by edifying one another : that we who on Earth are so [closely] united, may not after this life be separated as far as Heaven is from Hell. For this end give us wisdom to prevent sin one in another, by removing all stumbling blocks, and occasion of sin : and also to redress sin by all the good courses we can think of. Give us ability, we pray thee, to help forward the growth of grace in one another, by manifest approbation thereof : yea, also by mutual conference, good example, and holy exercises of piety both public and private. Make us further careful over one another’s bodies, to nourish and cherish them health and in sickness : not grudging at the cost that is laid out, or at the pains that is taken thereabout.

Let also the Christian credit and good name of one another be mutually precious to us so as we speak of one another such things tend thereunto, and stop all evil reports and disprove, as much as with us lieth, all slanders : and if by either of us is just cause of an evil name be given, give us grace to meekly and wisely to make it known one to another, that afterwards the like may be avoided : yea that by our [manner of living] we may gain such a good name as may clean put out the fire of of the former ill name : and let us be so affected with the verities wherewith it pleases thee to endue either of us, and with the sweet savor which thence ariseth, as we may show thereby that we are affected with the good name of one another as our own. Keep us therefore from the vices which may make us discredit one another : as [spreading] abroad one another infirmities, opening our ear to every rash report, turning all things to the worst, envying and gainsaying good reports one another. And as in thy wisdom thou has made us a help each to other, even in regard of outward estate, give us wisdom, O Lord, to extend our mutual provident care there unto, that in our several places, we may as two hands of the same body, jointly endeavor to persevere and increase the same : that as by too much covetousness we seek not to scrape all to ourselves, so neither by prodigality we waste the estate, nor by idleness neglect the same.

And as thou hast made us joint parents of the same children, and joint governors of the same household, so (Lord), make us in our distinct places alike careful for the good education of our children and government of family, and of our servants therein : that being by thy ordinance under the same yoke, we may both draw the same way, and not thwart the other, nor put off all the care from one to another, and refuse to add our best help : much less hinder one another in the joint duties which belong to us both. Yea, Lord, we beseech thee to make us of one heart and mind, in affording hospitality according to our ability unto such Christians as come to our house, whether kindred or others (without grudging one against another therein) and in relieving the Poor also, lest we should by unmercifulness cause many curses to rest upon our house. These and all other bounded duties, either mutually one to another, or jointly others in our house, or out of it, enable us, O God of Power, conscionably to perform. Let not our sins cause thy wrath to fall upon us, but pardon them all, we most humbly beseech thee, whether they have been committed by either of us against the other, or against any other person, or any other way against thy sacred Majesty and holy Law, and that for Jesus Christ his sake, in and by whom, through the assistance of thy Holy Spirit, we desire that thy name may be glorified by us and others in our several places now and forever more.

AMEN.

The Reformed Catholic Family: Timeless Wisdom From A Westminster Divine

An Introduction To The Series on Building a Godly Home by William Gouge

By now I ought not to be surprised that an old Reformed churchman is a fountain of godly piety, encouragement, and conviction, but here I am again. William Gouge’s practical handbook on family life is a refreshing stream of water flowing from such a wellspring. Modernized in three volumes under the title Building a Godly Home, the book was originally released in a single volume as Domestical Duties, and it excellently presents the blessings we have in Christ, along with the duties we owe to Him and to one another in our homes. It’s just what you’d like to see from an honored member of the Westminster Assembly: warm, firm, attentive, fatherly, compassionate, biblical, and catholic. It’s a work worthy of rediscovery in all the churches of God.

To that end, I’ll be posting a series of excerpts from Building a Godly Home.

The first is the very opening lines of the book:

It has pleased God to call every one to two vocations. One vocation is general, in which certain common duties are to be performed by all men (as knowledge, faith, obedience, repentance, love, mercy, justice, truth, etc.). The other is particular, in which certain specific duties are required of individual people, according to those distinct places where divine providence has set them in the nation, church, and family.

Therefore God’s ministers ought to be careful in instructing God’s people in both kinds of duties; both those which concern their general calling and those which concern their particular calling. Accordingly Paul, who, like Moses, was faithful in all the house of God (Num. 12:7), after he had sufficiently instructed God’s church in the general duties that belong to all Christians, regardless of sex, state, degree, or condition (Eph. 4:1-5:21), proceeds to lay down certain particular duties, which apply to particular callings and conditions (Eph. 5:22-6:9). Among these particular duties, he notes those which God has established in a family.

With excellent skill he passes from those general duties to the particular ones, laying down a transition between the with these words, “ Submitting your selves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). The form and manner of setting down this verse, with the participle “submitting,” shows that it depends on that which was said before. Again, the fact that the word itself is the very same which is used in the following verse, shows that this verse contains the sum of that which follows, and connects the general to the particulars. This manner of passing from one point to another, by a perfect transition which looks both to that which is past and to that which is coming, is very elegant and frequently employed by our apostle.

Thereby he teaches us to pay attention to that which follows, while we do not forget that which is past. While we must give diligent attention to that which remains to be said, we must also retain that we have heard, and not let it slip. Otherwise, if (as one nail drives out another) one precept makes another be forgotten, it will be altogether in vain to add line to line, or precept to precept.

…

Let us not upon pretext of one duty, though it may seem to be the weightier, think to discard another, lest that fearful “woe” which Christ denounced against the scribes and Pharisees (Matt. 23:23) fall upon our heads. As God is careful to instruct us how to act both towards His own majesty and also towards one another, so in both let us seek His approval. Remember what Christ said to the Pharisees, “These ought ye to have done, and not leave the other undone” (Luke 11:42). The same Lord that requires praise to His own majesty instructs us in mutual service one to another. “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).

As was the case throughout, I was struck by how pointedly this speaks to our modern moment, which is to say: pitting duties one against another to avoid the ones we don’t like is a timeless temptation. One of the two broad classes of duties Gouge identifies here often cannibalizes the other. In teachings on the sexes, for instance, it’s not hard to find folks denying that there are manly duties distinct from womanly duties; all are simply to “be like Christ.”

But while all are to be like Christ with regard to our general duties, we must also render our due according to the particular callings to which we are called. Likewise, I see in young men (myself included) a tendency to use particular calls to defend the Faith as a cover to their lack of general, personal holiness. It is a deadly poison. Let us all endeavor to avoid the leaven of the Pharisees and not think to discard one duty on the pretext of another.